I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Randomize
