Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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