My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
