Duck Duck Cougar?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
