I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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