I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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