No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
