SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
