my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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