The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
