You're my little dorito
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
