Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
