your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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