great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
