living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
