Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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