so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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