i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
