I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
