i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
