the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
