I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
