I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
