My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
