Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
