every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
