So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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