Dual....:-)
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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