Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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