you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
