I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
