I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
