i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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