Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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