we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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