Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
