You smell like stripper and shame
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
