nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
