Redeem this text for a blowjob
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
