Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
