We won't sleep together?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize