I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
