Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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