you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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