so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
