she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
