How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
