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so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Text me some of your sweat
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
