he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
