Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
