I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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