My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
