You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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