Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
