Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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