omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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