in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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