I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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