I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
