I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
