we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
