i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
