Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
