The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
