It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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