dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he high fived his dick after we had sex