The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
