Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.

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  (918): I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/mqw4
  Replies (12) Good night (3796) Bad night (717)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?

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  (704): but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn? http://tfl.nu/yhjz
  Replies (16) Good night (5638) Bad night (736)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before

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  (605): I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before http://tfl.nu/b07w
  Replies (12) Good night (5090) Bad night (1057)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

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  (586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w
  Replies (22) Good night (7931) Bad night (770)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

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  (636): I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public http://tfl.nu/ux7y
  Replies (9) Good night (950) Bad night (4232)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there

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  (770): it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there http://tfl.nu/89or
  Replies (36) Good night (1077) Bad night (7205)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.

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  (610): He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/upxm
  Replies (5) Good night (979) Bad night (3573)
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  (408): View more from California

  By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.

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  (408): By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going. http://tfl.nu/xmei
  Replies (6) Good night (905) Bad night (1771)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.

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  (267): i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/qc92
  Replies (9) Good night (1739) Bad night (721)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

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  (352): I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas! http://tfl.nu/fx1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1812) Bad night (559)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...

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  (303): accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones... http://tfl.nu/822e
  Replies (4) Good night (2441) Bad night (522)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that

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  (250): The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet (1-250): Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that http://tfl.nu/74qk
  Replies (11) Good night (419) Bad night (886)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me

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  (413): Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me http://tfl.nu/3euu
  Replies (7) Good night (511) Bad night (1044)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  I AM VODKA MAN

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  (936): I AM VODKA MAN http://tfl.nu/r5if
  Replies (5) Good night (695) Bad night (326)
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  (530): View more from California

  He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby

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  (530): He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby http://tfl.nu/gwam
  Replies (4) Good night (221) Bad night (448)

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