I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.