wakey wakey hands off snakey
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
