Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
