I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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