So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
