cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
