He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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