I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize