whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
