Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
