what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
