So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
