I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
