M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
