After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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