Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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